45h13y

i NEVER update this thing

2009-10-05T18:35:34Z

^ My son was 6 wks old and laughing in that picture :D
Anthony Elliot Stiller was born 08-18-09.

Now he's 12 lbs, 24 inches, and a big ball of awesome. He's breastfed, and he is the shit. Most handsome baby ever.

45h13y @ 2008-08-20T16:31:00

2008-08-20T20:32:10Z

What if all my enemies were dead
and i could forget everything they said
could I be then who I really am?

What if I sold everything I own
And ran away from everyone I know
could I make another place my home?

And if I let go all of my ghosts
who would I dump over the months?

What if everyone is right?
Should've taken their advice
But I can't change my mind

And if I let go all of my ghosts
Who would I dump over the months?

(What if everybody else is right?
should've taken more of their advice)

Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN-the-Bottle

2008-08-15T17:45:43Z



		I will marry Rob.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in paris in our fabulous House.
		We will have 0 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a black 1968 firebird.
		I will spend my days as a artist, and live happily ever after.

GOOD MORNING, INTERNET

2008-08-15T17:37:20Z

i am here to steal all of your /\/\39413Y735

elevator love letter

2008-08-01T02:36:04Z

I'm so hard for a rich girl
My heels are high, my eyes cast low
And I don't know how to love
I get so tired after midday, lately
I take it out on my good friends
But the worst stays in, or where would I begin?

My office glows all night long
Its a nuclear show, and the stars are gone
Elevator, Elevator, take me home

I'm so hot for the rich girl
Her heels so high, and my hopes so low
'Cause I don't know how to love
I'll take her home after midnight
And if she likes, I'll tell her lies
How we'll be in love by the morning
I don't think she knows
That I'm saying good bye

My office glows all night long
Its a nuclear show, and the stars are gone
Elevator, Elevator, take me home

My office glows all night long
Its a nuclear show, and the stars are gone
Elevator, Elevator, take me home

Don't go, say you'll stay
Spend a lazy Sunday
In my arms, I won't take
Anything away

Don't go, say you'll stay
Spend a lazy Sunday
In my arms, don't take
Anything away

solitude

2008-07-29T19:02:32Z

The city is burning,

the riots and the sun is melting everything down
cops and horses and teenage angst

and me, quiet me in my shades is thinking
‘we sure need some love if we gonna get through’ but hey,

you came with the rain
And you came (solitude) with the rain (solitude)

and you blushed (solitude)
you stole my woman and left me in this melancholy mood

The hills are alive,
the von Trapps are chasing dragons and the street punk ass kids
will kill you for a dollar
and me, quiet me in my shades is thinking

‘we sure need some drugs if we’re gonna get through’ but hey,

you came (solitude) with the rain (solitude)

and you blushed (solitude)
you stole my woman and left me (in this melancholy mood)
you came (solitude) with the rain (solitude)

and you blushed (solitude)
you stole my woman and left me in this melancholy mood

you came with the rain..

Posting current events in lyrics and poetry from now on.

2008-07-29T18:39:16Z

Falling for the creep,
The body leech,
Here he comes
Vicious, hypnosis,
CLENCHED FIST sayin'
"It’s wrong to want more than a folk song"
Underneath the shaker knit,
HE'S A BRICK WALL
She keep fallin' for the trick,
Vegetariate, sing-along,
Give a little kick,
With your fine thigh high.

We’re on to you.
Tearin' her down,
Talkin' her down,
Under your breath,
Makin' a mess,
See she is happy
You wanna break it

We’re on to you.
Tearin' her down,
Talkin' her down,
Under your breath,
Makin' a mess,
See she is happy
You wanna break it

We’re on to you.
Your phony roots,
Borrowed guitar,
Tellin' her what to think we are
You the number one,
Wet blanket,
Hardly a day goes by you don’t try to break down,
No, I don’t buy it,
You’re still around I wonder why,
She just keep

Falling for the creep,
The body leech,
Here he comes
Vicious, hypnosis,
Clenched fist sayin'
"It’s wrong to want more than a folk song"
Underneath the shaker knit,
He’s a brick wall
She keep fallin' for the creep,
The body leech,
Comin' on
Vicious hypnosis,
Clenched fist sayin'
"It’s wrong to want more than a folk song"
"I’m wrong to want more than a folk song"
"I’m wrong to want more than a folk song"
Underneath the shaker knit,
He’s a brick wall,
She keep fallin' for the trick,
Vegetariate sing-along,
Give a little kick,
With your fine thigh high,

Tearin' her down,
Talkin' her down,
Under your breath,
Makin' a mess,
See she is happy you wanna break it

We’re on to you
Your bathing suit,
Borrowed guitar,
Tellin' her what to think we are,
You the number one
Wet blanket,
You’re still around I wonder why,
You’re still around I wonder why,
You the number one wet blanket.

45h13y @ 2008-05-12T00:28:00

2008-05-12T04:28:19Z

Sometimes I wish people could really see,
What is going on with me...

To be ignored is better than to be worried about, I guess.

45h13y @ 2008-05-09T02:45:00

2008-05-09T06:47:15Z

I didn't move to Memphis, but I finally got my driver's permit today. In a few weeks I'm going to get my license. I'm saving up for a car after I get a new job, and getting far, far, away from here. Probably back up North with Rob, Eileen, Adam, Justin, Ashley, and all of my loveys. I miss PA/NJ so much. It sucks.

I felt like Memphis didn't want me --- and that my mom needed me. I feel like I need to do everything on my own, and for myself. So far, it's working, and it's nice.

Whatever, nobody gives a shit.
Peace.

sooo

2008-05-04T07:22:14Z

sidni's in town and i'm not getting to hang out with her or anything. this is awesome. really awesome. i can't tell you how stoked i am!

my stomach burns like it's never burned before? it's in knots. i've been crying tonight. i went out with josh and sonja for like an hour and a half to pensacola beach, i had one pina colada, just wasn't feeling it. came home, tried to make my stomach feel better, but it just won't come out of knots.

my eating is fucked. i am afraid of gaining back any of the weight i've lost. i'm afraid of fat. i'm afraid of a full, nasty, fat, gross, bloated stomach. i ate a few pecan chips today with hummus, a handful of tortilla chips with fresh cut salsa, and like a bite of black eyed peas.

yet i feel like a fat ass dumb cow. that was probably the most i've eaten in a week.
i'm sleepy, i feel old, my chest/stomach/throat burns. i don't want to do anything except sulk.

everyone is going through stress and their own problems.
nobody has time to listen to me or let me cry on them. something.

hey, i've been going through absolute hell, and i'm screaming my fucking lungs out and it's like everyone overhears the shit somehow.

it's pretty sweet. being non-existent is okay. weddings, funerals, friends working too much, flaky friends, and the friends that only call you when they need something or to vent to you. once i want to vent no one is there.

one person is there for me and that one person i probably won't ever get to hold or touch.
looking at the way things are going. awesome.

i'll sit here at 976 sandy bay drive and fucking die for all i care.
nobody else seems to give a flying fuck what happens to me.

whine whine whine.
well fuck you. nobody knows how i've been feeling inside for the past month, and what i've been hiding. it sucks to build up emotions because you're too worried about everyone else and no one lets you talk.

fuck.
someone seriously, just get it over with and shoot me in the fucking face.

tanqueray is my best friend

2008-04-27T19:03:42Z

Hold on little girl
Show me what he's done to you
Stand up little girl
A broken heart can't be that bad
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you

I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you

Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
wake up who cares about
Little boys that talk too much
I've seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you

Why be alone when we can be together baby
You can make my life worthwhile
And I can make you start to smile

When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you

45h13y @ 2008-03-01T14:23:00

2008-03-01T19:23:33Z

))<>((
forever.

45h13y @ 2008-02-26T08:52:00

2008-02-26T13:58:48Z

So I was in the ER all day yesterday. Turns out I have gallstones, esophagitis, and possible celiac disease. My diet can no longer consist of any of the following:

Raw vegetables (only steamed)
Chocolate
Nuts
Gluten
Citric acid (and tomatoes, oranges, grapefruits, pineapples)
Vegetable oil/fried foods
Spicy foods
Processed cheese
Caffeine
Alcohol
Whole milk
All meats except fish

I guess it helps that I was already vegetarian and I didn't drink real milk, and I recently quit smoking/drinking. (Tobacco and alcohol worsen the conditions of the esophagus and stomach.) This means hell, though.... I'm poor and I don't have much of a kitchen. I've been eating close to nothing, because I'm afraid to eat. I just started medication today, but I cannot eat anything without severe pain in my stomach, and without feeling like I'm going to throw up everywhere. The heartburn I get is like nothing I've ever experienced. I'm glad it didn't get a chance to develop into ulcers, or stomach cancer.

I need everyone's prayers right now.

45h13y @ 2008-01-29T14:09:00

2008-01-29T19:10:00Z

It's my 22nd birthday, all I got was a card from my uncle Phil.
Awesome :)

45h13y @ 2007-12-27T17:32:00

2007-12-27T23:35:04Z

welp i'm glad christmas is over
i got nothing like every year
hope everyone elses holidays were decent
my boyfriend of nearly 7 months hasn't called me since i left philadelphia on christmas morning
lovely

i'm depressed? k

FLORIDA, 6 DAYS!

2007-11-14T10:02:43Z

45h13y @ 2007-08-30T01:02:00

2007-08-30T06:06:41Z

i'm really fucked up and i'm just posting all of this so i don't forget.

Ashley:

I am contacting you from Gia Pronto, a family owned all natural wholesome foods cafe with several locations in Phila. I would like you to stop by when you are in Phila. ateither our 20th & Market St location or our U of Penn location at 3736 Spruce St. (corner of 38th & Spruce, next to Wawa).

Marco
Gia Pronto
3736 Spruce St.
-------------------

Interview@ Striped Bass (Rittenhouse Square) Thurs. Sept 6, 4PM.
215-875-6744
-------------------------------------------------------
Interview@ Pod Restaurant, Friday Sept. 7, 4 PM.
-------------------------------------------------------
Tavern on Omac (Center Centy) Mon-Thurs 4pm-7pm for interview
-------------------------------------------------------------
Hok@ Bubby's Brisket, 103 N. 15th st. Mon-Sat 2pm-4pm for interview
----------------------------------------------------------
Tuscany Cafe
32 West Rittenhouse Sq.
Speak with Dan or Susanne for interview set up ASAP
(215)-772-0605

45h13y @ 2007-07-30T20:34:00

2007-07-31T01:37:25Z

so i start talking to this guy from ftj (robrobrob) 5 years ago, blahblahblah, we start talking again early june, became myspace friends, became phone friends, became phone lovers, he visited for a week, left on sunday, and we're still lovers, just more intimate lovers. he is my boyfriend now, and though my school funds aren't going through and i can't attend school in LA, i'm moving to philly with him ASAP. i'm talkin... three weeks ASAP. i honestly can't stand to be away from him. this is unlike anything that has ever happened to me. i'm fucking happy.

45h13y @ 2007-05-13T17:49:00

2007-05-13T21:49:10Z

send me pictures that you took when you first woke up
and pictures of you crying if you have them.

it is for a project, and you all will be credited just give me your first and last names.

thank you :)

45h13y @ 2007-04-08T07:50:00

2007-04-08T12:21:38Z

You know what? I always let shit slide. I'm always being the bigger, better person. I'm always the one NOT STANDING UP FOR MYSELF. I take the blows, and just shrug them off and let them eat at my insides and store them all in a file cabinet in my brain. Not anymore --- I'm different now. I won't LET others knock me down, I won't LET people get the fucking best of me. I won't let you fill the internet with BULLSHIT about me, pointless banter that I'm quite sure the world could give two shits and a fuck about.

I was lying down, I'm tired as hell, and I have to go up to my future workplace in a few hours... but I can't go to sleep because of all this SHIT clouding my brain. That's right, it's absolute, decaying, rotting, maggot ridden DOG SHIT. Shows how much of a friend you REALLY ever were.

Before I start the GOD FORBIDDEN RANTING FROM MY 'INSANE' BRAIN, please refrain from putting your nose in this if you're not Emily Thompson. Thanks.

Emily;
What you wrote about me was disgusting. It was all bullshit. It was pretty fucking harsh, too. How dare YOU try to make me sound like an IDIOT on your LIVEJOURNAL? HAAAA. Remember when I first met you? Miss teased hair New Found Glory 17 year old try-so-hard-with-my-2-preciously-owned-MAC-eyeshadows-that-I-can't-even-apply-properly? AWW, I do! Little Miss Obnoxious, Little Miss "I WAS MOLESTED WHEN I WAS A KID *FAKE CRY*" just to fit in with Zach & I when we were having a deep conversation. Little Miss Insta-Vegetarian, Little Miss "BISEXUAL"... (yet from what I hear you never even did anything sexual with the ONE girl you've 'dated' HAHAHAHAA PLEASE.) The only things you've ever done for me was 1) let me live with you that whole month IF that and 2) came over whenever Kevin did all of that shit to me.And when I lived with you, I did shit for you constantly. ASHLEY bought your weed, ASHLEY bought your hairdye, ASHLEY bought your food, ASHLEY bought your cigarettes. The only thing you paid for yourself was a fucking Cruiserweight cd and your way into the show because you cleaned someones house or something for 20$. And there I was scraping what little money together I had to give to your mom and to support you and me both. Your mom never did shit for you while I was there besides take you to school whenever you weren't lazy enough to get up and actually go. And I was grateful for a place to live, but obviously it wasn't projected well enough. & I wouldn't have been homeless if your mom wouldn't have let me stay there. YOU'RE an ungrateful little CUNT. Like mother like daughter, though. Yeah my mom's crazy but at least she doesn't fight with me about me stealing her pot. OH OR WAIT, WAS THAT ANOTHER LIE FOR ATTENTION? SOB SOB SOB. LITTLE MISS PSEUDO-INTELLIGENT. Just because you can throw in a few big words that you steal from other people does NOT make you intelligent. Hell, you spelled 'definitely' like 'definately' before I mentioned some shit about that via myspace and livejournal. You've NEVER had a personality, you suck anything 'cool' about you from everyone else. You're annoying. You're dumb. You're boring. YOU LIVE IN PENSACOLA, TOO. You moved for what? 6 months? OOOH TO OHIO. And you accomplished what? Living on your own? I did that for nearly three years. Just because I'm living with my mother again doesn't make me a bad person. Just because I was out of work doesn't mean I'm 'going nowhere with my life.' Just because I'm not going to school in this CESSPOOL OF A TOWN certainly does NOT make me a loser. Just because I change my mind about moving a lot does NOT mean that I'm not serious about going to Hollywood.... because this time, it's REAL. My mind hasn't changed yet. I've got a best friend out there waiting for me, as well as school, as well as a better job than WAFFLE HOUSE...........

And I'm fucking proud of myself for getting this far.
So what you say about me 'going nowhere' is really fucking hilarious to me.
You don't even have your fucking diploma. Eat that, at least I have one. Miss "I'M 19!"....
Miss "I'LL BE 20 THIS YEAR AND I DON'T HAVE A DIPLOMA."

I took diet pills and laxatives TWO YEARS AGO. CRY ABOUT IT.
I eat healthy now and I walk around my apartment complex. When it gets warmer out I'll swim. You are a coke snorting piece of shit bitch who has to ALWAYS have everything about you. And I laugh; because no fucking wonder YOUR Kevin left YOU. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're both fucking PHILISTINES to the fullest extent of the word, but seriously, who wants to put up with your constant nagging and personality shifts and bullshit stories and lies 24/7? Your answer? NOBODY FUCKING HUMAN.

I do NOT 'go through best friends like underwear.'
First of all I don't even wear underwear, so your analogy failed.
Second of all, I've always only had one REAL best friend, Zach. He still is my best friend, and he is the ONLY person I tell 100% of everything I think about to.

You say you haven't told me anything raw in years --- and I could care less, because it's the same way with you, for me.

I NEVER 'BEGGED' YOU TO ROLL WITH ME. I brought it up a few times. Now that I know you just sit and listen to THE FAINT (HAHAHAHAHAAHHAA) while 'rolling,' I'm glad I DIDN'T roll with you. And you actually said "We're raving to The Faint." HA, you used 'raving' as a term for 'dancing.' YEAH, YOU'RE BRILLIANT. GENIUS. Study up on your shit, halfwitted no-brain skank. The whole 'YOU'D LET ME DIE' issue is just plain fucking retarded. Do you even know me at all? You immature, cold hearted bitch. I'd never let ANYONE die. If a situation like that were in my hands, I'd SAVE someone's life even if I disliked them. Nobody deserves death. I cannot stress that enough.

It was all me fucking with you about the HYSTERICAL picture comments until you had to go and insult my appearance. People only do that, and build from that when they have nothing else to go on. WEAK WEAK WEAK. Try again.

You go through men like fucking water. None of them ever like you. I may be 'fat' according to you, but I've had plenty of boyfriends and GOOD boyfriends and plenty of men pick me up. OFTEN, might I add. I'm a WHALE, I'm OBESE. I'm AVERAGE. Shut up. You REALLY aren't one to have room to go and diss on others' misfortune when it comes to looks. I know for a fact you did starve yourself ----- cause you told me. You said you wanted to be 'little like Liz' and I remember quite vividly whenever Liz brought up losing weight and all of that jazz, that's when YOU got into it. When I first met you, you were hella chunky. You were still hella chunky when you moved back from Ohio. You can come back at this however you want. You already called me fat, I know I have crooked teeth, I know you may not find me 'attractive' but I could give a fuck LESS what some braindead, sheltered little girl thinks of me. Your opinions are equivalent to shit in my eyes now. Fucking waste of air.

I think what your problem with men is rooted to your father because you never had a father. So you're constantly looking for that male figure in your life. Which is FINE, but you should really learn to not be so persistant. It's annoying to men. I know what will come out of your mouth next.. "SLUT." HAHAHAHA, don't care. Again - 8th grade. Moving on.

I'd rather be defined as 'insane', 'crazy', etc than not being able to be defined at all. Nobody can define you because you don't have anything outstanding about you. You're just that drab, mediocre face in the crowd. You try to speak up with your ever so annoyingly loud voice, but no one ever ACTUALLY wants to listen to you because everything you say is just lies and shit that you stole from other peoples' mouths and you try to repeat it to make yourself seem somewhat original and cool. Everything's been done. There's no depth to you, and I feel sorry for anyone who thinks there is. I've known you for a while and you've never had a personality. Truth be told, you're pretty plain.

I just honestly want to know what you've accomplished in life that I haven't.
OH WAIT, you have a truck of your MOM'S that you can drive. Big fucking deal. Next please.

ASHLEY'S list of talents/accomplishments!
+ Diploma.
+ I can play piano, keyboard, synthesizers, beat boxes, drums, and harmonica.
+ I can sing.
+ I can paint, draw, sculpt, write, and not to mention make my own music.
+ I won an award for a short film I made in Video Production class in Middle School.
+ I've independently published two books.
+ I was on Principal's List Honor Roll up to 8th grade.
+ After that, until 10th grade, regular Honor Roll.
+ I have 150 hours in Cosmetology.
+ I can circuit bend.
+ I can do LAYOUTS FROM SCRATCH and I know HTML as well as Java, CSS, and Flash.
+ I know Adobe Illustrator and can do Vectors. (Graphic design.)
+ I can MAKE CLOTHES! GASP!
+ I can PROPERLY do make-up! GASP X 2! (See also: Cosmetology.)
+ I started working at age 16.
+ I was in T.A.G (Talented and Gifted) throughout ALL of my school years it was offered.
+ I've lived in 3 different countries and have visited about 10 other countries. I've lived in 2 other of the United States and have visited nearly all of the states. Just not the far out west.

EMILY'S list of talents/accomplishments!
+ You can sing, sometimes.
+ You can roll a blunt.
+ You have a truck to drive.
+ You FINALLY moved to a different state, for 6 months or so. Should've stayed there.
+ You finally got off of YOUR ASS at what? Age 18? 18 1/2? And started working.
+ You sure as hell can make fake online journals and use pictures of other people you know in real life saying that it's you!

OH, for those of you that can't comprehend what I mean...
Emily made quite a few 'greatestjournals' (greatestjournal.com) of my sister, Hayley and some other chick(s) and she pretended to be other people and used my sisters pictures. She had like 9235729572 of my sisters pictures as greatestjournal icons. I hacked the account and pwned it.

That's all I can think of. Damn, you're boring.

Boo fucking hoo. Cry me a river, you insecure, jealous, lying, two-faced, shit talking, cliche, prepubescent twat.

You deserve nothing but the worst. Rot in hell.

45h13y @ 2007-04-01T11:37:00

2007-04-01T15:37:36Z

i really hope most of you stop fucking lying, PRETENDING to be my friend (LOL I DON'T NEED ANY FRIENDS), and grow the fuck up.
that's all i'm saying.

45h13y @ 2007-03-29T21:00:00

2007-03-30T01:04:58Z

alright, so nobody reads this shit. anyway.

i have a fucking ZIT. i NEVER get zits. but yeah dude rock on, ASHLEY HAS A BIG FUCKING ZIT IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FUCKING FOREHEAD. NO! NO NO NO NO.
not that having a zit really matters.

after i posted my last entry, i started my period. and it's still here. going on 9 (YES, NINE!) days. WHAT THE FUCK? my period usually lasts 5 days. i'm so confused. please go away, you fucking liquid red inconvienence.

i'm not moving to fairhope anymore. i didn't have the resources or money to up and leave. especially for a 1200$ house with only one other roomate. so, i cried to my best friend zach who lives in california and his mom said i can come and live in their extra bedroom. i'm going to pay her probably 200$ a month or something along those lines, and help clean and help zach with school and everything. :) i'm moving when andrea leaves for los angeles around july 1st. we're going to nevada city, staying like a night or two, then she's going to LA. zach and i will be moving to LA as soon as he finishes up school and we have money saved.

yeah, i'd rather spend 1200$ a month on a shitty apartment in LA than on a shitty house in nowhere, alabama. plus i'll have my two best friends with me, and it's guarunteed that i'm moving because andrea's already gotten everything financially prepared for school. she's REALLY leaving, and i'm REALLY going with her.

so, if you give two shits about me, you might want to hang out with me while you can. i won't be left alone this time. i have a place to stay, and it's far away from you fucking dipshits.

cya!

45h13y @ 2007-03-22T17:49:00

2007-03-22T21:53:20Z

i think i'm starting to get over kevin.
FINALLY!

I NEED A ROOM MATE IN PCOLA ASAP

2007-03-17T19:31:43Z

my mom bought a house right near fucking ALABAMA. further away from everything and everyone. and since i don't have a CAR, only a BIKE, this makes it HARDER for ashley to get where the fuck she needs to go.

so please, tell me if you need a room mate if you're in pensacola.
thanks.

45h13y @ 2007-02-26T20:07:00

2007-02-27T01:07:24Z

Okay, I'm really bored and I have NO ONE to talk to.
Someone talk to me. It'll be fun, promise.
My AIM sn is 'just aimin'

DO IT!